I refuse to give up

My quest for the perfect "meatless meatloaf" has ended in yet another crushing disappointment. I know this can be done because I've actually tried some and it was remarkable. Remarkable in the "I seriously can't believe this isn't meat" kind of way. To make things worse, every time I check out the special "vegetarian/ vegan/ organic" frozen foods section at my supermarket, a multitude of frozen meatless meatloaf entrees taunt me.

As a side note, for some reason, this particular freezer case is located next to the produce department and FAR away from the other frozen foods. Do they think vegetarians never leave the produce section so they'd better put this stuff where vegetarians can find it? Come on, Kroger. Also, not EVERYTHING in this case is vegetarian so it's not like the "special vegetarian freezer." I'm not sure I understand the logic there, but maybe this is why I am not in charge of the store layout at Kroger. They do have Morningstar Farms and Boca products in the regular freezer, but this other freezer case is where the "special" vegetarian/ organic stuff (including frozen meatless meatloaf) can be found.

Because of my previous luck with seitan, I concluded seitan might be just the ticket to the non-meatloaf I seek. I found a recipe with promising ingredients, which also called for "ground seitan" so I plunked my chunks (giggle) into the Cuisinart and ground up the seitan. The results were ASTONISHING! It looked surprisingly like ground beef! The further along I got in the preparation process, the more convinced I was that I had finally found the Holy Grail. I will have to be honest here, I was actually smug. I packed the mixture into a loaf pan, topped it with my regular ketchup/Worcherstershire mix (vegetarian Worchestershire, of course) and slid it into the oven. Smugly.

45 minutes later, my celebratory mood took a mushy turn. While it looked like meatloaf and smelled like meatloaf, my knife slid through it like mashed potatoes. Which coincidentally, were also part of the meal. I schlooped it up on my plate and immediately started my concession speech. It wasn't all that horrible, really, but it was mushy and I just can't get excited about mushy meatloaf. Now, it's worth pointing out that my husband suggested more than once that I add an egg to the mixture before cooking to help "bind things together" but I told him to pipe down and let's try it before making modifications. Remember, I was smug at the time. He did try it, and he did mention the egg thing again, but I'm too discouraged to try it again right this minute. Maybe next meatless month. And maybe with tempeh.