Easter with Seitan

Seeing as how ham is typically the main dish at our Easter Dinner, I was challenged to find a meatless dish that would allow me to feel celebratory and decadent. I found a recipe called "Rosemary-Hazelnut Encrusted Seitan" which, if nothing else, sounded elegant and decadent so I decided to give it a try. Since I still have not figured out the how/when/why of Tempeh, let's give "Seitan" a whirl, eh? I had NO IDEA what to expect. However, it's worth mentioning that my husband referred to it as "Satan" more than one time. He is usually much more supportive, really.

The recipe was actually alot more work than I would have thought as it involved quite a bit of blending, marinating, chopping, mincing, toasting, dipping, frying, and straining and to be honest, I was really not feeling the love. Especially because I thought the marinade for the chunks of seitan was stinky. Nothing but olive oil, soy sauce, Dijon mustard and tons of garlic. With genuine concerns that this elegant sounding meal would turn out to be a disgusting mess, I planned a back up meal of "Vegan General Tso's chicken." I know this doesn't sound the least bit Easter-ish, but the guy at the deli counter at Whole Foods convinced me to try it and LO! It tastes like chicken!! Duly impressed, I walked out with the biggest container of this stuff that I could find. The guy did tell me that it was a proprietary blend of Seitan and something else so maybe all was not lost for the dinner after all.

When it came time to prepare the Red Wine and Shallot gravy, such a magnificent aroma rose up through the house that I am at a loss to describe. Regardless of how this seitan stuff tasted, I'm pretty sure I could have just drank this gravy and been totally satisfied. However, miserable multi-tasker that I am, I left the gravy to simmer far too long and reduced it to practically nothing. I decided then and there that it was all for me - even if any of my guests WERE brave enough to try the Seitan.

Per recipe instructions, I ground up toasted hazelnuts, fresh rosemary, and flour, then dipped the stinky marinated stuff in it. I fried it up in some olive oil until crispy, and served with Gravy From Heaven. Given the limited gravy available, I filled my plate and let everyone else eat ham.

I have three words to describe Rosemary-Hazelnut Encrusted Seitan and here they are: Oh. My. God. This? Was totally worth giving up ham for. I am totally not kidding - you have to try this, but I am not giving up any of my own. The craziest thing is that I could have sworn I was eating meat of some kind. I probably would have mistaken it for pork. I'm not the only one who thought so - I let the three teenagers try some and they all thought it tasted like meat as well. And if teenagers say so? You know it's true. Well... to be honest, only one of them actually SAID it tasted like meat but since neither of the other two made any sort of disparaging comment, that is good enough for me and I'm calling it a ringing endorsement. These are teenagers, after all.

I'm having leftovers for lunch today - if I can scrape out enough gravy.

Oh yeah, there's that whole "vegetarian" thing....

So yeah.. welcome to Meatless April! It doesn't have quite the ring as "Meatless March" or "Meatless May" but it is April and it is meatless so make of it what you will. This is the month I've committed to going vegetarian as a Christmas gift to my brother, Chip, which I completely forgot about until 10:00 this morning. Thank God coffee is meatless or I would have been defeated before I had even begun! However, my scrumptious turkey lasagna is NOT meatless and it was also going to be my lunch today. I debated scraping out the turkey and eating it anyways, but I decided that was (a) cheating, (b) way too much work, and (c) kind of gross so I opted for mangoes instead. MMmmm.... I love mangoes.

My plan today, seeing as how it is April Fools' Day, is to cook a meatless meal and neglect to tell everyone that it's meatless until after they eat. Yeah, I'm diabolical like that. Up first on the Meatless Menu is .... Sloppy Joes! But let me just tell you something. Do you know what I actually read today? I actually read that Worcestershire sauce - a key ingredient in many of my soups, stews, and this particular sloppy joe recipe - contains anchovies and is therefore not technically vegetarian. Worcestershire sauce. Have you ever heard such a thing? Well I Googled it and it's true. It's also disgusting and may have ruined my taste for Worcestershire sauce in the future. I can only hope the vegetarian varieties of Worcestershire sauce (further abbreviated as WS because I'm getting sick of typing it) are as tasty as what I'm used to. Whose idea was it to put anchovies in WS in the first place?

And so, I begin my meatless month with a refrigerator full of meat and a quest for anchovy-free condiments of all sorts.